Walk, Don't Run

I hate exercise.  I just hate it.  On and off throughout the years, I get all determined to get in shape.  I buy exercise clothes, get a gym membership, and feel all pumped up.  Then I actually start exercising.  I really respect people who get energized from exercising, like my husband.  Exercising drains me, physically and mentally.  Rather than giving me feel-good endorphins, I feel like I'm stuck on a torture machine.  This concerns my husband; he's worried that I'm dangerously out of shape.  But I think it's simply because I hate exercise.  The concept of running on a machine just for the purpose of getting tired is depressing.  It's not enjoyable, and I don't have the self-discipline to do it for the end product.  It's just...not natural.

Thankfully, there is more than one way to exercise, and I finally found my way: walking.  Every morning that Ben is home, I wake up fairly early and walk for two miles around my neighborhood.  I take in the fresh air and enjoy the scenery.  It's my quiet time to think and recharge my introvert batteries.  I walk at a steady pace for an hour and (*le gasp*) I actually feel energized afterwards!  It's a miracle!  Could it be that I actually like exercising now?  Yes and no.  In order to build a positive relationship with exercise, I had to find what worked for me.  Granted, walking is good exercise, but I'm certainly not "in shape".  In order to truly stretch and grow, I would have to push my body past it's comfort zone by doing some hard exercise.  But I'm not interested in that at this point in my life.  I want to be active, but I also want to enjoy it.

This is a philosophy that is present throughout my life.  I don't want to do things because I "should."  "Should" is a very dangerous word.  It evokes guilt, which for me, evokes anxiety.  I want to do what's right for my body, but I want to do it because I want to.  This goes for scripture study, cleaning, and yes, even blogging.  Back in my perfectionist days, I charted everything I did.  I would write up a Sunday through Saturday chart with the determination that I would accomplish a certain task (i.e. exercising) each day, and I would put the check mark on it to prove it.  But what if something came up and I was unable to exercise that day?  There would be a big blank spot on my chart, and my perfectionism would go crazy.  Now, I live without charts, without the "should" hanging over my head.  I take walks because I want to, and it makes my happy.  And guess what?  I have been taking these walks for over a month.  I have never stuck with exercise that long before!  And it's all because I do what makes me happy.  I don't have to push myself or trick myself or bribe myself to do it; I just do it because I want to.

Are there "should"s hanging over your head in your life?  I challenge you to try looking at it another way.  Try finding what makes you happy, and throw away the charts with the accusatory blank spots.  Just do what makes you happy, and you will find that you won't have to make yourself do it anymore.  You'll just want to.