Lately these days, I feel like my anxiety has been pretty stable. I'm happy, work everyday, and have goals for a better future. Last night, however, I was reminded how quickly I can go from...
To...
Let me tell you what happened. I received a JCPenney gift card as one of my Christmas gifts, so Ben and I went to the mall with the hopes of buying me some new shoes. I needed a middle-ranged shoe; not as casual as flip flops, but not as fancy as heels. I quickly found the most adorable, comfortable black flats ever! It was love at first sight. I was ready to buy them and move onto the next thing on my list, but Ben said they were too dressy for what I was wearing, which was a button-down shirt and jeans. I waved my hand at him and said, "Like you know anything about fashion!" He challenged me to ask the cashier her opinion, so I marched right up to her with confidence and asked, "Are these shoes too dressy for my outfit?" The cashier considered me a moment before saying, "Yes." I was not expecting that, so this was my reaction:
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| "Oh...thanks." |
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| Walk back to my seat. |
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| Sit down and... |
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| ...and... |
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| "WHHAAAAAAAAAA!!!" |
I just started crying! I don't know why, but I was an emotional wreck. I felt very silly, crying in the middle of JCPenney. I'm sure people were wondering what was wrong. I'm glad no one said anything, because even though I was crying, my main emotion was anger. Who did that cashier think she was, telling me those shoes were too good for me?! Why did I live in a world where society dictated that I couldn't wear a pair of shoes?! Darn it!
My wonderful husband didn't laugh at me, or judge me, or anything like that. He just let me be emotional. We found another pair of shoes that matched my casual outfit more, but I just couldn't get over those cute black flats. Ben promised me that the next time we got paid, he would buy the flats for me. I have the best husband in the world!
So this has been yet another anxiety-induced meltdown with comical flair. The moral of the story is: even if I look composed on the outside, a meltdown can happen anywhere at anytime! Nevertheless, I usually have anxiety-free days and lots of happy moments. So the next time you break down and cry for whatever reason, don''t feel bad. It just happens sometimes. :)
I keep finding you. I don't mean to. Today I found you because I turned to google with the following plea: "save me, internet" which brought up an earlier post of yours from this blog. Then I clicked on the title and it brought me here, and I read this entry and again, you have just described a familiar experience of mine. Although, your version does not include a mocking husband, and I must say, I like your version better, by far.
ReplyDeleteI originally stumbled across some of your writing when I asked google about depression, a few years ago. Please know that your openness with these issues helps others tremendously.
Thank you for sharing your talent and for validating my similar experiences.
Thank you!!! I'm glad you enjoy my blog. I wish you all the happiness you deserve for 2013! :)
Deleteoh goodness...did you really have to throw the word "deserve" in there? talk about angst! LOL! But thank you. I wish you a fantastically wonderful 2013 as well.
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