Wasting Time

I used to hide the fact that I play Pokemon games because I was worried about what other people would think of me.  After all, Pokemon is a children's game.  Thanks to my husband, who assured me that there's nothing wrong with me playing Pokemon, I am now open with everyone about it and I'm not embarrassed anymore.  Well, most of the time...  Every once in a while, I begin to question my Pokemon hobby, especially when I am playing in a public place (like waiting at the dentist office).  The biggest thing I worry about is this: am I just wasting my time?

I've noticed that the female gender spends most of their time improving themselves in some form or fashion.  They read magazines to learn how to lose weight, decorate their houses, and bake cute desserts.  There are thousands of new ways to sew, decorate a party, grow a garden, save money, be fashionable...  The list of productive things to do never seems to end.  And the funny thing is, no matter how much a woman seems to accomplish, she never seems satisfied.  After all, there will always be new things to do.  Mind you, I believe it's always good to learn and grow, but after a long day's work, what if I just want to play Pokemon?  What if I just want to collect and raise virtual creatures on a video game?  Somehow, this seems like a bad thing to do.  I mean, if I just wanted to relax after working all day, I could at least do something like read a book or get on Facebook.  No one gets judged for doing these things, whether at a dentist office or at home.  They are more "productive", and therefore, more accepted.

But what is the reason for reading a book, or commented on Facebook, or playing a video game?  I would hope the reason is simply this: to bring happiness to the participant.  If the end goal is the same, then what does it matter what the activity is?  I remind myself that playing Pokemon makes me happy, so I have no reason to feel embarrassed or ashamed about playing it.  If cooking makes someone happy, then they should cook.  If exercising makes someone happy, then they should exercise.  If playing Pokemon makes someone happy, then they should play Pokemon.  It's good to seek improvement, but one thing anxiety has taught me is to just be happy with the person I am today.  I can do so much more with myself, but then again, I've already done so much.  Recognizing this and celebrating it is just as important as looking for the next big thing to work on.  Before anxiety, I used to base my self-worth and personal happiness off of the things I was able to accomplish (I'll write another blog post about this specifically in the future).  I was never satisfied with my progress, always worrying about not being good enough, and feeling guilty when I wasn't constantly improving myself.  Then anxiety came, and I thought my life was over.  Little did I know that anxiety would teach me so many beautiful truths that I was previously blind to.  Who knew that anxiety would lead me to true happiness and acceptance?  Today, I am happy with who I am, and there is no reason why I should feel any differently.

Is there something you like to do that brings you happiness?  Do you often feel guilty while doing it because it's not "productive"?  I'd like to challenge you to let go of that guilt and just be happy.  You are just as wonderful today as you will be tomorrow; you don't have to accomplish this or that to be worthy of happiness right now.  I know this is one of life's beautiful truths, and I hope it will eventually change your perspective on yourself like it did mine.