Check It Out! - Zen Habits

When I first developed my full-blown anxiety disorder, I was in a lot of turmoil.  Things that had once seemed simple were suddenly complicated.  The life I knew was turned upside down, and I was lost in my own despair.  Many things helped me through the Dark Ages (i.e. my religion, my husband, my mom, etc.), but today, I want to focus on a blog that really taught me the minimalist philosophy that helps me combat my anxiety everyday.

Zen Habits is a blog that introduced me to the idea that the best way to overcome my anxiety was to...breathe, be still, and let go.  I was a dire hard perfectionist until anxiety burst my bubble and left me feeling like a total loser.  I thought that the way to overcome my anxiety was to get my act back together and go back to accomplishing things like a champ.  But the reality was this: even when I thought I was accomplishing things, I was really accomplishing nothing.  One of the greatest things that my anxiety disorder has taught me is that my previous life was filled with pride that had no substance.  Losing my perfectionism was insanely painful, but today, I can say that I am grateful for the things I've learned through my anxiety.

Oh dear, where was I?  That's right.  Zen Habits introduced me to some minimalist philosophies that, at first, drove me crazy.  For example, when I was a perfectionist, I always created goals for myself, and felt like a failure when I did not meet them.  One of Zen Habit's philosophies is to live without goals.  What?!  How was I supposed to be worthwhile if I didn't set and accomplish goals?  That was the thing: I was already worthwhile.  Anxiety made me believe that I had to do all of these things to be worth anything, but as a Child of God, I was already worth everything.  It took time, but Zen Habits helped me realize this.

See my blog post "What Makes Me Significant?"

Another philosophy that Zen Habits taught me was to stop putting expectations on everything.  When Ben and I were engaged, I expected him to do and think and act in all the ways I wanted him to.  In my anxious state, I put a lot of pressure on him, and it almost tore us apart.  Zen Habits taught me that instead of expecting things from people and getting disappointed when things don't go my way, I can be grateful for the wonderful relationship I have with that person, whatever it may be.  This was an eye-opened experience for me, because I thought I could shape and mold my future husband like wet clay into the vessel I wanted.  Little did I know that my husband was already perfect the way he was; all I had to do was realize it.  It's kind of like when a kid realizes that Christmas isn't about getting presents, but giving them.  I remember the night that this concept really sunk into my soul.  I wrote a little poem that summed up my feelings pretty well:

I thought marriage was about spoiling me,

But marriage is about changing me.

I thought marriage was about serving me,

But marriage is about purifying me.

I thought marriage was about kissing me,

But marriage is about teaching me.

I thought marriage was about being the perfect wife,

But marriage is about preparing for Celestial Life.

And I learned to do the same for me.  I stopped pressuring myself and just appreciated myself for who I was.  I was perfect the way I was; I just had to realize it. 

Zen Habits has plenty of posts on how to set goals and change yourself into a better person, but what really touched my heart was the lessons of simplicity that helped me let go of the last traces of my perfectionism.  It's only when I was able to do this that I truly began to get better.  Please check out the Zen Habits blog.  It's a wonderful and uplifting place, and most of the blogs reflect the new and simple way I live my life (and trust me, I don't miss my old life one bit!)  Below are some direct links to some of my favorite posts, or just click here to go right to the website.  Thanks for reading, and remember...breathe.

How to Be Happy Anytime
Toss Your Expectations Into the Ocean
The Illusion of Control
Be Still