One of my biggest anti-anxiety techniques is to live in the present, because the past makes me guilty and the future makes me worried. Living in the here and now helps me enjoy life and be happy. However, I was raised with the belief that I can always improve myself, and I should look for opportunities to do so. I still believe in this philosophy, but sometimes it butts head with my anxiety. For example, I struggle with daily scripture study because of the guilt I often feel when I'm reminded of just how imperfect I am. I try to counter this guilt with some of my anti-anxiety techniques, such as achieving a healthy balance verses "all-or-nothing" thinking. Still, it's never fun to open the Pandora Box in my life. In fact, a few days ago, I went through the all-too-unpleasant experience once again. It went something like this:
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| "Herp, derp. I've been feeling so good these days, I think it's time to set a new self-improvement goal for myself." |
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| As I seek self-improvement, I'm forced to face all of the anxieties that I had been so careful to avoid during my day-to-day life (a.k.a. open the Pandora Box) |
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| My blissful 'live in the present' philosophy crumbles under the scrutiny of my weaknesses. At first, I'm like this ("I haven't changed at all!"), and then I'm like... |
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| "Don't talk to me. I hate everyone and everything right now." |
With time, the irritability and anxiety of opening my Pandora Box fades away, allowing me to pursue my self-improvement goal after all. It's an unfortunate occurrence that is both maddening and hilarious at the same time. However, improvement is important to me, so I've learned to accept the temporary discouragement of my Pandora's Box in order to stretch and grow. It's just another way I have to live with my anxiety. I suppose it's not ideal, but it's reality, and I'm okay with that. In the end, I get past my hateful mode (haha) and get back to being happy again. It's an ongoing process that I hope will get better with time.
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