Don't Fear the Putt-Putt

Image from Speedcathollydale's blog

I love going to the beach!  It's a wonderful way to get away from the normal hustle and bustle of life and get caught up in the relaxing rhythm of the ocean waves.  It has become sort of a tradition to go putt-putt while at the beach, and there are no shortages of interesting locations to go to.  I'm not great at putt-putt, so it's really just a way to get outside and have fun with my family without pressure.  However, since I'm kind of an anxious person, I end up feeling pressure anyway.  Not from my family, though.  In the end, the pressure I experience is from myself, and after some contemplation, I came up with an interesting analogy.

So there I am, preparing to do a three-foot putt into the hole.  I might look cool and calm to everyone else, but inside, I am thinking:

"Oh no, what if I can't make this shot?  I can never do anything right.  There's no way I can make this shot!  I shouldn't even try."

Thankfully, my sane Unconditional Self steps in and says:

"Yes, you can do this.  If you believe you can do it, you will.  Don't listen to your anxieties.  Just concentrate and sink that ball into the hole." 

So I focus, and lo and behold, the ball rolls right into the hole.  I celebrate with a whoop, and then the anxieties begin again:

 "Oh no, now I've done it!  Everyone will expect me to be able to play putt-putt really well, and if I don't, then I'll be a complete and utter failure!  I have to stop being good at putt-putt to protect myself!"

Of course, this is complete baloney, so my Unconditional Self steps in:

 "What is wrong with you?!  Didn't you listen to a word I've been saying?  If you believe you can do it, you will!  You will make mistakes, 'cause that's part of life, but that doesn't mean you're a failure.  You have a talent, so don't be afraid to pursue it!  Show the world what you can do!"

This is a very dramatic example of what I struggle with every day of my life.  Anxiety makes me afraid to do things, especially the things I do well, in fear of failing.  This is why I haven't been working on my novel, or pursuing my love of art.  It's silly, but it's real.  What I work on everyday is helping my Unconditional Self rise above the fog of my anxious self (see my anxiety page to learn more about the Unconditional Self).  It's like having an evil twin that's always anxious and always trying to keep me stuck in my fear.  Kevin Bolk, creator of "I'm My Own Mascot" comics, understands this very well (click to read):

My husband once told me that having these anxious and fearful thoughts is completely normal.  It's when these thoughts keep me too fearful from pursuing my dreams that it becomes a problem.  Having anxiety isn't easy, but I'm learning to ignore the evil twin in my head and follow my passions.  I'm happy to say that I've been working on my novel again after months of inactivity.  Hooray!  :D  Every little victory helps.  So whenever I feel trapped in my own fear, I think of my experience with putt-putt and I rise above my anxieties.  Most of the time, anyway.  ;)