An Anxiety Philosophy Is Born

I had an amazing surge of inspiration today while driving to work!  I have been dealing with anxiety for one and a half years now, and almost since day one, I wanted to create my own philosophy about it.  I wanted to create a structured way of explaining how anxiety works, how to combat it, and then share it with others.  Anxiety, however, is never straight forward, so working out a philosophy for it was always intimidating.  But that's what I had a power surge about today!  It's still just the "first draft," but here's an introduction to my anxiety philosophy...

Most likely, if you have anxiety or another mental disorder, you are right-brained or otherwise very creative.  These people have very strong emotions, but anxiety heightens their negative emotions to the point where they overshadow their positive emotions.  I believe these negative emotions can be organized into four different categories:

Fear 

 Image by Akirakirai

 

Other forms of fear: cynicism, distrust.

Sorrow

  Image by Caperuccita

Other forms of sorrow: depression, hopelessness.

Guilt

 

Other forms of guilt: shame, feeling undeserving.

Anger

Image by Tyshea 

 

Other forms of anger: frustration, irritability, bitterness.

To counter these four negative emotions that are heightened by anxiety, there are four positive emotions.  These emotions are a part of every human being, even ones suffering from anxiety or other mental disabilities, but they are often overshadowed by the out-of-control negative emotions.  There is a way to combat and control the negative emotions with these positive ones, but I'm still working out the details.  For now, here are the four positive emotions:

Trust

 Image by Ahmetorhan

 Other forms of trust: love, confidence, optimism, faith.

Counters fear.

Happiness

  Other forms of happiness: joy, fulfillment, contentment.

Counters sorrow.

Acceptance

 Image by Yumenonikki

Other forms of acceptance: forgiveness, self-love, peace.

Counters guilt.

Laughter

 Other forms of laughter: pleasure, loving life, excitement, passion.

Counter anger.

This is only the very beginning of my anxiety philosophy, but I'm excited to develop it further.  If you have any thoughts of additional emotion topics, please let me know! Thanks for reading!  

Planeswalker Abigale

My husband introduced me to the popular card game "Magic the Gathering" shortly after we got married.  I grew up playing Yu-Gi-Oh, another card game, so it didn't take me long to get fairly good at Magic.  I'm far from professional, but I have a lot of fun with it, and I love the Dungeon and Dragons feel to the card artwork: beautiful images depicting amazing creatures.  It didn't take long before I wanted to make some Magic cards of my own.  I found an awesome and free program online called "Magic Set Editor."  Click here to learn more about it.  NOTE: even though I haven't had any trouble with downloading this program, there is always a risk when you download content off the Internet.  Do so with caution!

I like animals more than I like people, so I wanted to create a set based off of nature and its creatures.  I'm calling my homemade set "Nature's Revolt."  All of Magic's sets have a back story of some kind, so the story behind Nature's Revolt is basically this:

"The major races of Innistrad have battled each other for centuries.  Humans, vampires, zombies, and wandering spirits...  The forces of Nature have always kept to themselves, patiently waiting out the blood and fires of war that wage all around them.  However, Nature's patience has finally run out.  The creatures of the wilderness are now a part of the war with the intention of destroying anything that gets in their way.  Nature has revolted."

 

"Overrun" by Carl Critchlow - MTG Core Set 2012

The first step to creating a homemade set of cards was to figure out how many cards I should include and how to divide all the different types.  I actually had to use (le gasp!) math to figure it out.  Here's a small glimpse into what I mean:

On average, from each color group, 50% are common, 25% are uncommon, 20% are rare, and 8% are mythic.  If I have 15 cards per color group, 9 should be creatures and 6 should be spells, divided by their rarity, etc.

It was definitely a stretch to work with numbers and fractions, but I'm proud to say I did it, and my set is neatly balanced because of it.  Another factor I had to keep in mind was to keep the power of my cards balanced.  Rares are going to be more powerful by default, but there's no point in creating my own cards if they are all ridiculously powerful and unsuitable to ever be used in a real deck.  Like this card by rockvillepictures on Deviantart:

 

After many hours scouring Deviantart and many more hours creating and editing original creatures and their abilities, I finished "Nature's Revolt" with exactly 100 cards in the set.  And here they are!  I put them in Google documents according to their color.  Enjoy!  And please, if you have any thoughts or ideas on how to make these cards better, please let me know!

 White   #1-15

 Blue   #16-30

 Black   #31-45

 Red  #46-60

Green  #61-75 

 Mixed Creatures, Artifacts, Land, and Tokens  #76-100

Some random thoughts about my project:

1. Deviantart.com is the best place to find awesome, super-talented, ultra realistic pictures of just about anything!  I included the artist's name on the bottom of each card so you can check out the original picture as well as more of their artwork.
2. The official Magic the Gathering website was a great resource to get ideas on different card functions and proper ability descriptions.  Each set includes a complete card list and other great info.  If you want to know more about Magic the Gathering, you definitely need to check it out!
3. I made two brand new abilities that are completely my own!  Look for Rabid and Scorch.
4. My favorite creatures to find and create were frogs and spirits.
5. Finding good images for black cards was SCARY!  I had to search through a lot of skulls, demons, and other creepy things to get what I wanted.  But it was worth it!
6. I printed all of these cards off on photo paper and put into a collector's album along with the other real Magic the Gathering sets.  This project was a lot of fun, but a lot of work!  Nature's Revolt will probably be my only homemade set I make.  :)
7. There are some split cards in this set.  The front and back are right next to each other, but you might not notice they belong together until you read "transform" in the descriptions.  Be on the lookout!
8.  I tried to make my cards as similar to the real cards as I could, but there is one spoof card that I couldn't help but make.  See if you can spot it.  ;) 

LDS Home Educators - My First Experience

For the first time ever, I attended the LDS Home Educators conference in Fredericksburg, Virginia.  And I can't help but wonder...why haven't I gone to this conference before now?  I had a positive experience with the conference and its people ever since my mom and I arrived at the Fredericksburg Expo and Conference Center, where the homeschool conference was taking place.

Image from ldshe.org

I was immediately impressed by the youth attending the conference.  I am so used to seeing the majority of homeschoolers being a little extreme in their clothing and accessories.  I am a conservative when it comes to appearances, so I usually stick out like a sore thumb at homeschool conferences.   Due to the LDS dress code, however, most of the young men and women at this conference looked - how should I put this - normal.  I admit, it made me feel more at home.  Beyond their appearance, however, the youth were just like the homeschoolers I'm used to: authentic, geeky, and totally awesome.

Image from ldshe.org

My mom, Cindy Gaddis, was also having a first-time experience alongside me.  In her case, she was running her first vendor booth, and I was her helper.  She was advertising her book, "The Right Side of Normal," which will be published this summer.  Click here for more info on her life-changing, revolutionary book!

I'm caught in a really awkward place between being too old for youth classes and being too young (and childless) for adult classes, so I volunteered to run the booth while my mom went to some of the classes.  To be honest, I was bored to tears, even with my DSi and Kindle Fire.  There was barely anyone wandering the halls, and the few people that were around weren't interested in my mom's booth.  For three hours I sat, impatiently waiting.

 Image from icanhascheezburger.com

After my mom gave her two classes, however, tending the booth wasn't boring anymore!  Tons of people showed up at our booth, asking questions and taking pamphlets.  Most of the people wanted to talk to my mom, but I also answered questions and/or explained what my mom's book was about.  It was fun, made me feel proud of my mom, and inspired me to have a book ready to sell for next year's conferences! 

As for me, I was on two different panels: "How to Be a Successful Homeschooler," and "College Prep 101."  I got to meet some really cool people who were also on the panel with me.  We all had different experiences with college and life, and gave different perspectives and advice.  I was a little bothered by some of the questions, or more like, the way some of the questions were worded.  The question "what do you wish you could have known in high school" bugged me because it implied that being a homeschooler disadvantaged me at college.  Sure, I had some weaknesses going into college due to being homeschooled, but I also had a lot of great strengths.  In fact, being homeschooled really made my college experience an amazing one.  Instead of answering the question, I challenged it by saying I could not have prepared for college anymore than I could have prepared myself for becoming a teen, or getting married, or one day having a baby.  You can't expect to study ahead and be perfectly prepared for anything in life.  The best thing (and basically the only thing) we can do is go forward and relish the experience of living.  I have no regrets about the way I prepared for college, or anything, because I could only learn and grow through doing.

Image from Freefallingforever on Deviantart

Don't get me wrong, though.  Just because I didn't like a choice of words in one or two questions does not mean I didn't enjoy myself on the panels.  On the contrary, I loved sharing my insights along with the other confident and wise individuals.  The youth who attended the panels were also respectful and interested in what we had to say.  Almost everyone had pen and paper in hand!  I didn't attend any of the adult classes, but I'm sure they were all wonderful, too.  Of course, my mom's classes were the best, but that goes without saying.  ;)

On a random note, there was a really cool grocery store within walking distance of the Frederickburg Conference Center called Wegmans.  It was really huge and really cool!  Not only did they have the variety of a Walmart, but they also had little restaurants in the store, including a sushi bar!  But what I was most impressed with was their customer service.  I only had a few items (i.e. Virginia peanuts, a request from my husband), and was stuck behind a mother with a huge cart full of food, so one of the managers took me to the customer service desk and checked me out on the spot.  I felt like a VIP!  I had a very positive experience with Wegmans, so I hope to shop at one again soon.

When the conference was over, I felt satisfied.  My mom and I both had great successes in our classes, the people were great, the atmosphere was pleasant, and our booth's debut went fantastically well.  I found myself wishing my mom had signed me up to go to the LDS Home Educators conference when I was a teen.  Now that I know how great it is, I hope to come back year after year.  And if it's still around when I'm a mother, I want to share the great experience with my children.  Hooray for LDS homeschoolers!

For more information about LDS Home Educators, please visit their website.  :)

The Adult Who Reads Comic Books

I am a grown adult, and I like to read comic books.  Well, to sound less conspicuous, I might call them 'graphic novels.'  I especially enjoy manga, which are Japanese graphic novels.  In fact, my favorite book series of all time is a manga called "Fruits Basket."  I have collected all twenty-three volumes and cherish them with all my heart.

But wait, aren't comic books just for kids?  Am I implying that I enjoy books that are below my reading level?  Have I failed to mature my literacy, and recognize the imminent importance of reading "Le Adult Literature?"  I should be spending my time studying books that are worthwhile, like "The Canterbury Tales" and "Moby Dick."  Then I can show off my literacy knowledge to my peers.

The truth is, I have read and enjoyed many classic literature, including "The Canterbury Tales."  I recently finished rereading "The Secret Garden," and I'm currently reading "Heidi."  However, my favorite kind of literature is still comic books, and there are several reasons why.

1. As a right-brainer, I am very visual.  I can imagine my own images when I read text-only books, but I especially connect with comics because of their picture-based story telling.  In "Fruits Basket," the author tells the story through amazing imagery sequences that often don't need dialogue at all.  I can just feel the emotions of the characters through the image without any words whatsoever.  After all, a picture is worth a thousand words.  Like this beautiful piece by dandonfuga on Deviantart.  Nothing is said; there isn't even an explanation of what's going on, but I can just feel the emotions from this beautiful image.
2. My sense of humor is revolved around visuals, too.  There are just some funny things that cannot be expressed except through images, especially things that have no dialogue.  For example, here is a short comic from one of my favorite comic series on the Internet, Lackadaisy by tracyjb (the last panel just cracks me up!)

The last (and perhaps most important) reason I like reading comics is because they are (usually) kid friendly.  I am an adult, but that doesn't mean I have to read books that have adult content, and I'm not just talking about sex scenes.  When books are 'realistic,' that usually translates to being 'depressing.'  Cheating/abusive spouses/parents, death and illness, commentary of human suffering...  I would rather indulge in comic books that, more often than not, are based on fantastical plots, whether it's cat gangsters or kids with wings.  Comics just make me feel happy, and there is no reason why they shouldn't be considered liable reading material.  It's just another style of it, and one that I enjoy to this day.

Amazon's Kindle Fire - A Review and a Story

My wonderful husband bought me a Kindle Fire for a (v-e-r-y) early birthday present.  I feel so modern!  And a little surprised, because there was a time that I was against tablets in general.  I'm technically young, but I find myself having a lot of "when I was a kid" moments.  My family was not technology up-to-date, so we got Internet, cellphones, and video games later than other people we knew.  Heck, I played the majority of my Game Boy games in good old fashioned black and white.  I never felt the pressure or desire to have the latest and greatest, which I have carried throughout my life.

So it's no surprise that I was leery when reading tablets first started coming out.  Books have been around for thousands of years.  Our society is built on books.  Instruction manuals, cookbooks, fiction, textbooks, photo albums, magazines, journals, picture books galore.  Libraries let you borrow then for free, and people are always giving them away.  They are easy to collect and easy to personalize with highlighters and notes.  I loved and took pride in the books I personally saved money for and bought.  Nothing is more satisfying than a bookshelf packed with lovely books.

Therefore, when I learned about electronic books that lacked all physical form, that threatened to change the way mankind interacted with and collected books, I was kind of like this...

I can be very stubborn when I want to be (just ask my mom and husband).  With time, however, reading tablets became more advanced, more user friendly, and (most importantly) more affordable.  More of my friends got tablets so I could (cautiously) observe how they worked from a distance.  Finally, I outright looked it up and research it.  I eventually learned enough to make me consider even (*le gasp*) buying one. 

Well, I'm glad I made that decision.  :)  The Kindle Fire was a very good purchase, and has many benefits.  First, I'll cover the basics:

• It has a super-responsive touch screen.  My iPod Shuffle's touch screen can be a little hard to manage, and Barnes and Noble's Nook can be downright frustrating, but Kindle Fire has been a real pleasure to use.  The screen is easy to clean, too.
• The battery life has been reliable, even with almost constant use. 
• The graphics are lovely and it's SO user friendly, which is a really big deal for a personal electronic like this.
• You can't beat Amazon's variety in books.  There are tons on free stuff (including many classics like Pride and Prejudice and Heidi) and lots of books under $3.
• I can upload PDF files and Word Documents.  I made a homemade comic book this way by pasting a bunch of online comic pages on a Word Document and sending it to my Kindle.

There are many more great things about the Kindle Fire, but the most important thing is that it changed my perspective on reading tablets and ebooks.  First of all, I literally have a library that can fit in my purse.  I can take a moment, anywhere and anytime, to access my books.  I often have anxiety on the job, so having access to "Shift Happens" is crucial to maintaining a optimistic day.  I can read a quick chapter during my break and feel worlds better.  I have also downloaded the Holy Bible, the Book of Mormon, and General Conference talks so I can also have small spiritual moments, too.  Of course, I also have access to pleasure reading.  I can actually read a book instead of grabbing whatever is nearby to read (i.e. a cereal box, coupons, magazines I don't care about, etc.).

Not only is the Kindle Fire a convenient way to carry books around with me, it also prevents my home from being overrun with books.  Just like I mentioned earlier, the sight of a crammed bookshelf makes me happy, but there must be moderation in all things.  My mom has over 15 bookshelves in various rooms throughout her house, and she still doesn't have enough room for all her books!  That being said, I am a firm believer in exposing children to real, physical, honest picture books.  So when my kids are young, I am bringing them over to my mom's house and letting them have fun with her massive library.  For me, however, I have embraced electronic books and all the benefits I get from them.

If you have specific questions about how the Kindle Fire works or my opinion on certain facets of it, please leave a comment.  :)

Books I'm Reading Right Now On Kindle Fire:

 

Whenever I read Holden's short and easy-to-read chapters,

my anxiety just melts away.  It's the best self-help book I have ever read

because it doesn't make me feel guilty!

As a fiction writer, I have learned so much from this book series,

and I love Orson Scott Card's contribution.  He doesn't tell you

how to write; he tells you how to discover how you write.

My mom read this to me and my brothers when I was little,

and I have many fond memories of it, so I want to rediscover a classic's charms.

This book was absolutely free.

Oh, and I'm playing the Fruit Ninja app, too.  :]