I Have PMS *whaaaaaaa!*

Every woman (and every man, hopefully) knows what PMS is. It stands for Premenstrual syndrome, and women refer to it before, during, and sometimes after their menstrual cycle. There are a list of physical symptoms that accompany PMS: fatigue, bloating, cramps, food cravings, etc. However, it's the emotional symptoms that women (and men) are most aware of: irritability, tension, mood swings, etc.

For someone with anxiety like myself, I notice a significant increase in negative emotions such as anxiety, depression, fear, sorrow, and bitterness. It took me a surprisingly long time to realize that my anxiety increased during my menstrual cycle. One week I would be doing great and feeling good, and the next I was a train wreck. I would revert back to what I call "The Dark Days" of anxiety which, trust me, are NOT good. I would lament, "Why aren't my strategies working anymore?" and "I don't even know why I am feeling so bad. I'm losing my mind!" I would freak out, call my psychologist, and set up an appointment to change my medicine because it obviously wasn't working anymore. By the time my appointment actually came, however, I was back to feeling fine. "Oh, I guess my medicine is still working," I would say with a shrug. "I must have had a bad week." And I did. It was called my period!

Thanks to medicine, cognitive therapy and my religion, I have a pretty good handle on my anxiety. But anxiety, just like my body, has its natural cycles. It's impossible to feel good 100% of the time. If my body goes through PMS once a month, so does my mind. But that doesn't mean that I've failed to control anxiety or I need more medicine. It's just something that I have to ride through. Menstrual cycles only last about a week for me (thank goodness!) so I can fall back into a good rhythm. If there's one thing I've learned about anxiety, it's this:

Living with anxiety is not about keeping a perfect track record.

It's about knowing how to rebound once you've gotten off track.

Do you suffer from anxiety, depression, or other mental health during your menstrual cycle? You are not alone! Being a woman is awesome, but let's face it, there's once a month in which being a woman really sucks.

Oooooo...The Pressure!

I loved being homeschooled. I was taught to love learning, develop my passions, and seek understanding from the world around me. The downside, however, is the pressure to be exceptional. There are many homeschoolers who have accomplished great things. Some graduate Harvard, and some start businesses in their twenties. This is cool, and I'm happy for them, but not every homeschooler can be exceptional like that. So what happens when a homeschooler is only, well, average?

I have been approached by well-meaning people who were interested in my homeschooling experience. A conversation from one of these people might have gone like this:

Inquisitor: "So what are you doing now that you have 'graduated' homeschool?"
Me: "I went to college for a year, and then got married."
Inquisitor: "Oh, how nice! Do you plan on going back to school?"
Me: "I don't think so. My true passion is writing books, so that's what I'm going to pursue right now, and I don't need a college degree for that."
Inquisitor: "Okay. Have you published yet?"
Me: "Not yet. I have been working on a book for several years, but editing is slow."
Inquisitor: "So what are you doing now?"
Me: "Well, working full-time, and stuff."
Inquisitor: "Uh-huh."

Maybe I'm just overreacting, but I can't help but wonder what the Inquisitor might have thought after this conversation. Was I the product of homeschooling that she had been expecting? After all, she's taking a leap of faith in pulling her own kids out of school and homeschooling them. But what she witnessed was not a phenomenal human being who has changed the world with her talents and accomplishments. Shouldn't your average homeschooler play mozart at six years old, write bestsellers in their teens, or create stunning, museum-worthy artwork? If they don't, then what was the point of taking them out of school? If giving a child the freedom and opportunity to develop their talents doesn't make them exceptional, then what will? Oh, that's right. SCHOOL. The children might be unhappy, but at least good, old-fashioned discipline and threat of punishment gets results fairly consistently.

Hmm...so unless I look like this:



















WOO! Look at the great stuff
I'm doing! I'm AWESOME cause
I was homeschooled!







I must look like this...


















Um, I'm still working on
getting somewhere... Cause,
you know, homeschooling
failed to make me AWESOME.




So the question that must be explored here is...why are we homeschooling our children? So that they can develop super awesome talents that will make them rich and famous? So they can accomplish great things and be lauded by the world? So their parents can feel all warm and fuzzy because they created a phenomenal child?

Or...because we love to learn, and love what we do, no matter how small or insignificant it might seem to the world?



















If a woman worked at a small laundry business all of her life, would her parents be ashamed? Would she be considered a nobody by the world? But what if the woman LOVED to do laundry? What if homeschooling led her to discover this passion, and then helped her find work that she enjoyed? What if she was happy to do laundry for the rest of her life? Did she fail, or did she succeed?

What if I never manage to publish a book? Now, that's not saying that I won't try, or that's not what I desire to do. But what if I don't? What if my stories are only enjoyed by me, my family, and a few close friends? Would I have failed? Or would I be a success? Well, if I wrote to the very best of my ability, and it brought me joy throughout my life, then I would consider it a success (with lots of therapy). But see! Even I have a worldly perspective of success and failure that I need to work through! Everyone does. And no matter what kind of life I will lead, I will choose to follow my passion and purpose without needing to compare my accomplishments with the rest of the world. And, in so doing, I hope to be happy. :) What is your perception of success and failure? Please feel free to share your thoughts!