I'm starting to understand a thing or two about life. No, that's not quite right. 'To understand' is not a one-time event or an end goal. It's a process of gathering. I understood something new a few weeks ago, and today, I understand even more. It's the "increased light" philosophy that the Lord talks about in Doctrine and Covenants 50:24, which says,
"That which is of God is alight; and he that breceiveth clight, and dcontinueth in God, receiveth more elight; and that light groweth brighter and brighter until the perfect day."
I'm beginning to understand that this philosophy applies to almost every point of my life. For a short time, I saw a therapist every week to help with my overwhelming anxiety (which was WONDERFUL while it lasted). My therapist taught me that I have subconscious thoughts that dictate how I view things, like sunglasses that paint the world in a certain way. He called them "super highways" of thought. One of my super highways is this...
My subconscious thought: "I am an imperfect being. I am nothing. In order to become truly significant, I must reach (these) ideals and accomplish (those) tasks. Then I will be worthy of (this) and (that)."
This super highway is destructive because it makes me believe that who I am today isn't good enough. Being significant isn't a one-time event or an end goal. I was significant two weeks ago; I am significant today; I will be significant tomorrow. Even when I was at my worst this month, I was significant. This is because my significance does not diminish, but only grows. It can stand still, but it never diminishes. Why? Because significance, like understanding, is not measured by a wall chart. I AM SIGNIFICANCE. It's inside me; it's a part of me that can never be removed. I may lose sight of it, or forget about it, or doubt that it exists, but it's always there. In this way, it can never be truly taken away from me.
Today, I am significant, and I have a lot of understanding, too. Just the fact that I am living and breathing here today is a miracle and a blessing. I don't have to DO anything to be worthy of that. I just am.
"The Search for Significance"
by Robert S. McGee
is an excellent book that
addresses the tendency we
have to base our significance
on the things we accomplish.
Along with my LDS religion,
this book inspired this blog post.
I would recommend it
to anyone. :)
