My First Experience with HTML

I don't like math.  I respect it, and I respect those who understand it, but it's not my thing.  Yesterday, however, I was forced to use math to upgrade my blog (*le gasp!*)  My blog was starting to accumulate a lot of stand-alone pages, so I thought it would be nice to sort them into drop-down menus.  My mom uses Wordpress to do this on her website, but come to find out, you can't use Wordpress on Blogger.  So I turned to the ultimate resource: the Internet.  To my delight, I found many posts on how to create your own drop-down menus.  To my horror, all of the posts were about using HTML to do this.  HTML, which stands for Hyper Text Markup Language, is a kind of computer language used to tell websites what to do and how to do it (I think).  In a nutshell, it's math language.  Therefore, my reaction was:

 

Stubbornly, I continued looking for another (much simpler way) to create a drop-down menu on my blog.  But alas, I couldn't find another way.  It took a whole day to process and accept this.  Finally, I took a deep breath and sat down to try and figure it out.  At first, I was completely overwhelmed.  Seeing all the numbers, symbols, and pointless words made my head go blank.  Thankfully, the tutorial I used was simple and easy to understand.  You can find the tutorial at the blog "Home Take 2: How to Create a Drop-Down Menu In Blogger."   Somehow, someway, I began to understand what I was doing.  I could actual change the code to bring about the desired results.  I changed the color of my text, the names of my menus, and added links.  My drop-down menus are not a work of art, but I did it!  I'm so proud of myself!  Granted, I'm in no hurry to try my hand at HTML again, but it feels good knowing I can do a little bit of it (with lots of help).  If you are like me and get overwhelmed by math-y things like computer codes, then there is hope!  If I can figure out HTML, so can you!

I still don't like math...

Walk, Don't Run

I hate exercise.  I just hate it.  On and off throughout the years, I get all determined to get in shape.  I buy exercise clothes, get a gym membership, and feel all pumped up.  Then I actually start exercising.  I really respect people who get energized from exercising, like my husband.  Exercising drains me, physically and mentally.  Rather than giving me feel-good endorphins, I feel like I'm stuck on a torture machine.  This concerns my husband; he's worried that I'm dangerously out of shape.  But I think it's simply because I hate exercise.  The concept of running on a machine just for the purpose of getting tired is depressing.  It's not enjoyable, and I don't have the self-discipline to do it for the end product.  It's just...not natural.

Thankfully, there is more than one way to exercise, and I finally found my way: walking.  Every morning that Ben is home, I wake up fairly early and walk for two miles around my neighborhood.  I take in the fresh air and enjoy the scenery.  It's my quiet time to think and recharge my introvert batteries.  I walk at a steady pace for an hour and (*le gasp*) I actually feel energized afterwards!  It's a miracle!  Could it be that I actually like exercising now?  Yes and no.  In order to build a positive relationship with exercise, I had to find what worked for me.  Granted, walking is good exercise, but I'm certainly not "in shape".  In order to truly stretch and grow, I would have to push my body past it's comfort zone by doing some hard exercise.  But I'm not interested in that at this point in my life.  I want to be active, but I also want to enjoy it.

This is a philosophy that is present throughout my life.  I don't want to do things because I "should."  "Should" is a very dangerous word.  It evokes guilt, which for me, evokes anxiety.  I want to do what's right for my body, but I want to do it because I want to.  This goes for scripture study, cleaning, and yes, even blogging.  Back in my perfectionist days, I charted everything I did.  I would write up a Sunday through Saturday chart with the determination that I would accomplish a certain task (i.e. exercising) each day, and I would put the check mark on it to prove it.  But what if something came up and I was unable to exercise that day?  There would be a big blank spot on my chart, and my perfectionism would go crazy.  Now, I live without charts, without the "should" hanging over my head.  I take walks because I want to, and it makes my happy.  And guess what?  I have been taking these walks for over a month.  I have never stuck with exercise that long before!  And it's all because I do what makes me happy.  I don't have to push myself or trick myself or bribe myself to do it; I just do it because I want to.

Are there "should"s hanging over your head in your life?  I challenge you to try looking at it another way.  Try finding what makes you happy, and throw away the charts with the accusatory blank spots.  Just do what makes you happy, and you will find that you won't have to make yourself do it anymore.  You'll just want to.

Tokyo Jungle: Go Wild!

Back in September, a very unique and very unusual game was released for download on the PlayStation 3: Toyko Jungle.  The game takes place in Tokyo after an unexplained phenomenon causes every human being on the planet to disappear without a trace.  Zoo animals break free from their cages and former pets get in touch with their lost instincts.  There is only one rule in this new natural order: survival of the fittest.

Nature reclaims Tokyo.

In Tokyo Jungle, you can play as over thirty different kinds of animals.  If you play as a herbivore (like a gazelle or rabbit), you must find fresh vegetation and avoid getting eaten, only fighting when necessary (if it's even possible).  If you play as a carnivore (like a beagle or lion), you must seek out and hunt other animals while defending yourself from the stronger competition.  There is a story mode (which reveals the surprising reason for mankind's disappearance), but I really like the survival mode.  The goal is to survive as long as possible, racking up survival points for accomplishing key tasks.  Marking a territory is necessary to attract potential mates, but certain animals won't mate unless you have reached a certain rank (which is accomplished by finding and eating food).  Also, accomplishing specific challenges that are randomized at the beginning of each game helps give focus to the game play and makes it more fun.  After completing a survival game (which ends when you die), you can spend your accumulated survival points to unlock new animals or buy stat-boosting accessories.

Actual game play on Tokyo Jungle as an elephant.

I love the gritty feel of Tokyo Jungle.  Too many animal-based video games are way too cutesie for my taste.  The point of Tokyo Jungle is to survive, a concept that brings out primeval feelings in me: the thrill of the hunt, the horror of being hunted, and the pride of rearing a new generation.  I have always loved animals and have respected the way nature works, even if it's not pretty.  When I was young, I wanted to watch the footage of a cheetah catching a zebra that other kids shied away from, because it was the real deal.  Tokyo Jungle is full of these "real deal" moments.  If I'm playing as a dog and get killed by a lion, it's going to eat me while "game over" flashes across the screen.  It's harsh, but that's nature for ya.  It makes surviving even more rewarding knowing that nothing is going to go easy on me.  If my generations of hyenas survive for over a hundred years, then by golly, I'm doing a dang good job surviving in the unforgiving wilderness!  It's a engaging and fun game concept that keeps me playing again and again.

Tokyo Jungle is not for everyone.  There is a lot of killing, whether you are a herbivore or a carnivore, so it's not for those who are sensitive to death.  This is especially true as it pertains to the pets in the game (to this day, I hate killing cats, even if they attack me first).  There is a little bit of blood, and when it's time to mate, you see the animal mount the other!  However, I am not bothered by these things because, for the most part, they simply reflect the true nature of - well - nature.  On the other hand, as gritty as the game is, there are plenty of unrealistic elements to it.  For example, there's no way a Golden Retriever could take down a tiger in real life!  And for extra stat bonuses, you can dress your animal character up in clothes and other accessories (but as silly as that is, there is something fun about dressing up a pig).  You can also play as a few dinosaurs, and I would tell you how in the world dinosaurs are in Tokyo, but that would spoil the story. 

There's no way that beagle is going to win this battle!

I would heartily recommend Tokyo Jungle to anyone who isn't afraid to play on the wild side!  Right now, it's only available for download through the PlayStation Network, but it only cost $14.99.  Below is a trailer of the actual game play and some of the animals you can play as.  Tokyo Jungle is a quirky, invigorating game that adds a refreshing change to the ho-hum variety of video games out there.  So if you are feeling adventurous, give it a try!

Wasting Time

I used to hide the fact that I play Pokemon games because I was worried about what other people would think of me.  After all, Pokemon is a children's game.  Thanks to my husband, who assured me that there's nothing wrong with me playing Pokemon, I am now open with everyone about it and I'm not embarrassed anymore.  Well, most of the time...  Every once in a while, I begin to question my Pokemon hobby, especially when I am playing in a public place (like waiting at the dentist office).  The biggest thing I worry about is this: am I just wasting my time?

I've noticed that the female gender spends most of their time improving themselves in some form or fashion.  They read magazines to learn how to lose weight, decorate their houses, and bake cute desserts.  There are thousands of new ways to sew, decorate a party, grow a garden, save money, be fashionable...  The list of productive things to do never seems to end.  And the funny thing is, no matter how much a woman seems to accomplish, she never seems satisfied.  After all, there will always be new things to do.  Mind you, I believe it's always good to learn and grow, but after a long day's work, what if I just want to play Pokemon?  What if I just want to collect and raise virtual creatures on a video game?  Somehow, this seems like a bad thing to do.  I mean, if I just wanted to relax after working all day, I could at least do something like read a book or get on Facebook.  No one gets judged for doing these things, whether at a dentist office or at home.  They are more "productive", and therefore, more accepted.

But what is the reason for reading a book, or commented on Facebook, or playing a video game?  I would hope the reason is simply this: to bring happiness to the participant.  If the end goal is the same, then what does it matter what the activity is?  I remind myself that playing Pokemon makes me happy, so I have no reason to feel embarrassed or ashamed about playing it.  If cooking makes someone happy, then they should cook.  If exercising makes someone happy, then they should exercise.  If playing Pokemon makes someone happy, then they should play Pokemon.  It's good to seek improvement, but one thing anxiety has taught me is to just be happy with the person I am today.  I can do so much more with myself, but then again, I've already done so much.  Recognizing this and celebrating it is just as important as looking for the next big thing to work on.  Before anxiety, I used to base my self-worth and personal happiness off of the things I was able to accomplish (I'll write another blog post about this specifically in the future).  I was never satisfied with my progress, always worrying about not being good enough, and feeling guilty when I wasn't constantly improving myself.  Then anxiety came, and I thought my life was over.  Little did I know that anxiety would teach me so many beautiful truths that I was previously blind to.  Who knew that anxiety would lead me to true happiness and acceptance?  Today, I am happy with who I am, and there is no reason why I should feel any differently.

Is there something you like to do that brings you happiness?  Do you often feel guilty while doing it because it's not "productive"?  I'd like to challenge you to let go of that guilt and just be happy.  You are just as wonderful today as you will be tomorrow; you don't have to accomplish this or that to be worthy of happiness right now.  I know this is one of life's beautiful truths, and I hope it will eventually change your perspective on yourself like it did mine.

 

My Childhood Dog

Last week, my childhood dog passed away.  He was old and sick, and I had to make the extremely difficult decision to have him put down.  It was a lot harder than I thought it would be to watch the life disappear from his eyes...  Ah, but this is not what this post is supposed to be about!  This post is a memorial to a wonderful pet and a forever friend.

As a child, I wasn't very social.  I was both uninterested in socializing and unsure of how to go about it.  My vivid imagination was a lot more interesting and rewarding for me to develop than my people skills.  As I grew into a teen, I wanted to fit in and have friends just like everyone else, but I struggled to do so.  I was just too different, I suppose.  Thankfully, I had a constant friend who loved me exactly for who I was: Spencer, my Golden Retriever.  My mom bought Spencer in the year 2000, and it didn't take long for him and I to become fast friends.  We went exploring in the woods together, splashing through creeks and lying in the sun together.  I was so attached to Spencer, that when Precious (our second dog) came into the picture, I was jealous of her!  I was afraid that I would lose my best friend!  But I grew to love Precious just as much, and of course, Spencer still loved me just the same.  Together, us three went on adventures in the woods and had a wonderful childhood.

I remember many nights in which I had experienced some sort of disappointment in my day.  Being a teenager was hard, and since I had pre-anxiety, it was even harder at times.  I would cry and feel completely alone.  But Spencer always knew when I was sad.  He would sit by my side and comfort me only the way a dog could.  To this day, I believe there is no greater love and loyalty in this world than what is given by a dog (sorry Ben!)

Today, I'm at a different stage in my life: I'm married and hope to have children soon.  I really don't have the time or the money to have a dog right now.  However, when Spencer passed away, I was reminded of all the precious memories that dog gave me.  I wish I could hold onto those carefree days forever...  I loved my dog, and I look forward to be reunited with him one day.  Below is a short memorial video I made in Spencer's honor.  Please take a moment to watch it, and perhaps remember that special dog (or other animal) that brought great joy to your childhood, too.