A Happy Fool

There is a lot of danger out there, and don't get me wrong, bad things happen to people everyday.  Severe illness, rape, house fire, and unexpected death are just a few.  Bad things could happen to you, and they could happen to me.  As a person with anxiety, you would think I would be tormented by the countless "what-ifs" that could happen to me at anytime.  I do worry about losing my husband, or getting attacked, but surprisingly, I don't worry about stuff like that too often.  I do some things to prevent and prepare for the "what ifs," but in the end, I don't really think about them.  Maybe I'm a fool for it.  On the one hand, I live without fear, so life could blindside me at any moment.  On the other hand, I live without fear, and that is a blessing in itself.

My husband is very interested in self-defense techniques such as reading body language, and he's always practicing drills with his gun.  He'll probably be a lot more prepared than I am to handle an emergency.  I want to learn how to use a kubotan (future post, maybe?) and take karate lessons one day, but I do these things because they're interesting to me, not because I am driven by fear.  There was a time when anxious thoughts clouded my mind.  I was afraid of the smallest things, and worried about the future constantly.  I was miserable all day, every day.  I just could not live like that.  One of the practices of unconditional living is to let go of the past and don't worry about the future.  This doesn't mean that I don't plan for things, especially emergencies.  It means that if I focus on the 5% of life that is bad, or could be bad, I miss out on the 95% of life that is happy and beautiful.  A boiling tragedy may be waiting around the corner for me sometime in the future, but as long as I live in the present, I am happy today.  I may be a fool for being like this, but at least I'm a happy fool.

This concept also applies to my religion.  Even the most stalwart saint has doubts sometimes about their religion.  Is there really a God?  What if I'm wrong and there's nothing waiting for me on the "other side?"  What if this life is all I got?  These fears might drive someone to live on the wild side of life and do what they want (like that silly phrase "YOLO").  But honestly, when did riotous living ever make someone happy?  No amount of money, partying, or sex can bring the kind of joy that unconditional living brings.  YOLO is all about seeking more; unconditional living is all about appreciating what you already have.  I might be a fool for believing in God, but since my religion makes me happy, then I will be a happy fool.  I'll worry about what will really happen on the other side when the time actually comes to go to the other side.  Until then, I will live the way that makes me happy, and unconditional living is that way.

I know what it is like to live in constant fear because anxiety made me that way for a long time.  Even if it's "realistic," I just won't live that way.  It's too dark and miserable.  I choose to embrace unconditional living because it combats my anxiety and brings happiness to my life.  No matter what life throws at me, good or bad, I want to be a happy fool.    
 

Image from Live Life Bigger

Young Women Personal Progress

In the LDS church, there is a program for girls between the ages of 12-17 called the Young Women Personal Progress program.  I completed this program in my younger days, and I have fond memories of the spiritual experiences and enlightenment I received in the process.  Once completed, you also receive a special necklace.  I used to wear mine all of the time, but to my dismay, I can't find it!  This made me think about the Personal Progress program again.  I completed it a long time ago, and after going through anxiety, what I need right now is a program to help me develop my spirituality again.  So I'm going to complete the Personal Progress program again!

The basis of the Personal Progress program is centered around the Young Women Theme:

Image taken from Nicki's Personal Progress (check it out!)

The eight values - faith, divine nature, individual worth, knowledge, choice and accountability, good works, integrity, virtue - are what the Personal Progress program is built on.  For each value, I must complete six Value Experiences and one 10-hour Value Project.  These experiences and projects are unique based on each value.  The tasks are easy, but most importantly, they help me develop spiritual habits and invite God back into my life.

I obtained a Personal Progress manual from my church building, but they have the program online, too.  Check it out here!  In order to actually chart progress online, you need an LDS account, but that's easy to create even if you are not LDS.  All of the information, however, is accessible with lots of resources and videos.  It's a cool site!

Even though I am married and hope to become a mother one day, there's no reason why I can't complete the Young Women Personal Progress program again.  It's a great way to jump start your spirituality.  I'm grateful that my church creates programs like these to help make studying the gospel fun.  Now if only they would create a Personal Progress program for married couples...  ;)

The Young Women Values (can you identify them all?) by gerugeon

What Makes Me Significant?

I'm starting to understand a thing or two about life. No, that's not quite right. 'To understand' is not a one-time event or an end goal. It's a process of gathering. I understood something new a few weeks ago, and today, I understand even more. It's the "increased light" philosophy that the Lord talks about in Doctrine and Covenants 50:24, which says,

"That which is of God is ^alight; and he that ^breceiveth ^clight, and ^dcontinueth in God, receiveth more ^elight; and that light groweth brighter and brighter until the perfect day."

I'm beginning to understand that this philosophy applies to almost every point of my life. For a short time, I saw a therapist every week to help with my overwhelming anxiety (which was WONDERFUL while it lasted). My therapist taught me that I have subconscious thoughts that dictate how I view things, like sunglasses that paint the world in a certain way. He called them "super highways" of thought. One of my super highways is this...

My subconscious thought: "I am an imperfect being. I am nothing. In order to become truly significant, I must reach (these) ideals and accomplish (those) tasks. Then I will be worthy of (this) and (that)."

This super highway is destructive because it makes me believe that who I am today isn't good enough. Being significant isn't a one-time event or an end goal. I was significant two weeks ago; I am significant today; I will be significant tomorrow. Even when I was at my worst this month, I was significant. This is because my significance does not diminish, but only grows. It can stand still, but it never diminishes. Why? Because significance, like understanding, is not measured by a wall chart. I AM SIGNIFICANCE. It's inside me; it's a part of me that can never be removed. I may lose sight of it, or forget about it, or doubt that it exists, but it's always there. In this way, it can never be truly taken away from me.

Today, I am significant, and I have a lot of understanding, too. Just the fact that I am living and breathing here today is a miracle and a blessing. I don't have to DO anything to be worthy of that. I just am.

"The Search for Significance"

by Robert S. McGee

is an excellent book that

addresses the tendency we

have to base our significance

on the things we accomplish.

Along with my LDS religion,

this book inspired this blog post.

I would recommend it

to anyone. :)